A Series of Difficult Days - The Mistake
by SheynaLew
Summary: He never imagined he'd regret kissing Samantha Carter, but right now it all seemed like one big mistake.
1. Chapter 1

At the time, it had seemed like a fantastic idea. After all, he'd started to see the time-loops as one big dream. A dream he had complete control over. Albeit, this was a dream that just wasn't ending. And dreams weren't real. What happened in them didn't count. You could do the impossible in a dream. The laws of physics didn't apply. Though that was really more her ball game than his. In dreams, your fantasies could come true.

So, after playing around and living out pretty much all of his wackiest, spur-of the moment daydreams, like golf through the gate and cycling round the base, his real fantasy had become increasingly harder to resist.

And that was how he had found himself standing in the Gate Room in his civvies, in front of the General with a letter of resignation in his hand. Because, why not resign. This was just a dream. And in a few more minutes he'd be _Colonel_ Jack O'Neill again and none of this would have happened. It really had seemed like a good idea.

He knew for a fact that time would loop again. No one would remember a thing. Hell, technically they weren't even 'not remembering it'. He was fairly sure it would count as 'never having happened' in the first place. So, yes, it seemed like a great idea.

"Colonel, what are you doing out of uniform?" Damn, but George looked pissed. The airman in Jack recoiled just the tiniest fraction at the anger in his Commanding Officer's voice. But he reminded himself once more; this was _not real_.

Jack took a deep breath and looked at his watch. Five minutes until the loop reset and none of this would ever have happened.

"Handing you my resignation." He actually had to stop himself from saying 'Sir'.

George's jaw dropped to the floor as Jack turned around. Carter stood up and walked towards him. 'Just a dream, Jack' he told himself as his heart clenched and the nerves set in. He was still looking at his watch as she reached him.

"Resigning? What for?" She actually sounded concerned. Maybe even a little annoyed.

Four minutes. He'd timed it pretty perfectly. He looked up from his watch.

"So I can do this."

Screw the butterflies in his stomach. He reached for her, cupping her face in his hands and brought his lips down to meet hers. The dip hadn't been planned, but hell, he'd been caught up in the moment and it felt right. And so, the former Colonel Jack O'Neill found himself standing in the Gate Room of the SGC, in front of his former CO, with his former 2IC in his arms. Even better, she was kissing him back.

He was completely absorbed in the moment. Her arms around him; the feel of her lips on his; the way she kept catching his lower lip between her teeth and then letting go, like she was trying to stop herself getting too carried away.

And then, all of a sudden, it stopped. He was back in the commissary with Daniel asking him some inane question, and Sam…Carter, sitting there staring at him with those beautiful blue eyes.

It wasn't until after they'd fixed the looping problem that he'd given the kiss any real thought. He was sat on his couch, a long and busy day finally over, leaning back against the cushions with an ice-cold beer in his hand.

Then it hit him. He could still feel her lips on his. He could still smell her. It felt like his heart had skipped a beat. It was _real_ to him. He'd treated it like a dream, a fantasy he'd been able to act out, but it wasn't. It was real.

Two things occurred to him at once.

He'd stolen a kiss from her and she would never remember it.

And all those feelings they'd admitted to and locked away, so recently, weren't so securely locked away now.

The first problem left him with gut-wrenching guilt and just a little self-loathing. What kind of asshole kisses someone knowing they'd never remember it? Alright, she'd admitted to the same feelings he had, and ok, she had kissed him back. But, it was still a pretty shitty thing for him to have done. If, by some miracle, they ever did get a chance to let those feelings out of _the room_ , and they got to share a kiss they'd both remember, it would never be their _first_ kiss. Because he'd already had that with her. He'd robbed her of that moment. He'd always have that memory and she never would.

He dropped his head into his hands and groaned. He really was a selfish bastard sometimes.

The second problem was just causing him pain. He'd gone, what, two weeks with the _feelings_ successfully buried? Not only had he given in to them at the first opportunity, he'd pretty much screwed up any hope he had of re-burying them.

Because now he _knew_ what it would be like to kiss her. To be able to hold her with no repercussions. He'd not been able to stop thinking about it for more than an hour or so. And now he almost envied her for not knowing what had happened. Which he was pretty sure made him even more of an ass.

So, yes, at the time it _had_ seemed like a fantastic idea. But now, no matter how great the kiss, or the feeling when she kissed him back, now he knew he'd made a pretty big mistake.


	2. Chapter 2

It started that morning in the Commissary. It wasn't unusual for the Colonel to completely ignore what Daniel was saying, so his inability to answer a simple question wasn't exactly strange. What _was_ strange, however, was the odd expression on his face, and the way he kept staring at her.

She'd caught him looking at her occasionally before. Before the whole Zatarc incident. He'd always look away when she caught his eye, or hold her gaze for just a moment, a look of something, (perhaps regret, maybe sadness, certainly nothing particularly happy) on his face. When he realised he'd been caught staring, she'd get butterflies in her stomach. When he held her gaze she'd share in those wistful feelings, and she'd have to bury the gnawing sense that she was missing out on something.

But this was different. For a start, she hadn't spotted him looking at her like that at all in over two weeks. She'd missed it. She'd had to tell herself she wasn't allowed to miss it, wasn't allowed to feel those feelings that caused him to look at her at all. They were supposed to be returning to their normal roles; Colonel and Major, CO and 2IC. She wasn't supposed to be missing the butterflies.

Except now he was staring again. Not looking away, not a wistful expression on his face. Outright staring. If anyone else looked at her that intently she'd have felt extremely uncomfortable. But something about having those deep brown eyes locked onto hers filled her chest with warmth and awakened the butterflies. She felt herself blushing and had to bite her lip to stop herself from grinning at him.

Then he looked away, and she missed him again.

"Sorry, Daniel, I wasn't listening the first time."

Daniel looked between Sam and Jack, confused, and just a little offended. "Right, thanks…"

He'd been staring at her right before the briefing started too, a dopey grin on his face. Not subtly. And this time she couldn't stop herself from smiling back.

"What are you smiling at?" She had to ask, the colour rising in her cheeks.

He was gazing right into her eyes, a dreamy expression on his face, and she felt naked.

"Nothing."

And then the General had come into the room and he'd looked away. As the General sat with his back to Sam, she shot a glance back at the Colonel, but he was paying far too avid attention to Daniel's presentation. Which was even weirder than the wistful look he'd been giving her. She forced herself to focus on what the General was saying to Daniel.

"What have you got for us Doctor Jackson?"

"Uh," Daniel began, "with the help of Teal'c and Jack I've managed to complete the translation. As I originally suspected, P4X-639 was once a colony of the Ancients. They thrived there for thousands of years until they were struck by some sort of unspecified cataclysm, perhaps a disease but we'll never really know for sure. Uh, in any case, facing certain destruction, they built the time machine."

"They were gonna go back and change their history," Jack piped up, "to avoid their fate."

"Right. But it didn't work. Instead of sending a team of scientist back to the key moment in their history, the device caused a short-term, continuous loop. Just like the one we've been experiencing. They experienced the same day dozens, perhaps hundreds, of times, trying to get the machine to work, but in the end… they gave up. They shut it down, and let the end come."

"So, the loop can be broken?" Asked the General.

Sam caught sight of Jack nodding and allowed herself a moment just to look at him as Daniel continued talking. He'd lived hundreds of loops. The same hours, over and over again. He must be exhausted. And yet… and yet, he'd looked positively gleeful. Sam was puzzled. And there was nothing she enjoyed more than figuring out a puzzle. But now was not the time. She turned her attention back to Daniel.

"…deals specifically with the geomagnetic storms that power the device. Apparently, they recur every fifty or so years. Which is why, incidentally…"

"Yes Sir!" Jack interrupted. "The loop can be broken."

"I was getting to that. When we activate the symbols on the altar in the right sequence, I think we can shut it down."

"Colonel, have your team geared up and ready to embark in thirty minutes." The General commanded.

"Yes, sir." He stood up and shot another grin at Sam over the General's head. Sam bit the inside of her cheek to suppress a smile.

They'd managed to shut it down, though Sam had felt her heart sink a little hearing the Colonel's passionate speech to Malachi. They'd returned to the SGC, no time loops, just a de-brief, and an agreement between SG-1 to meet in the Commissary for breakfast the next day.

Sam had spent her evening finally giving herself time to work out her little puzzle. Her only conclusion was that _something_ had happened during the loop to make him look at her like that. Part of her wanted to imagine what that might have been. What would _she_ have done given the opportunity? Endless loops… no consequences… She knew exactly what she would have done. And, therefore, exactly what Jack had done. She smiled to herself, wondering how far he'd taken it.

The next day, at breakfast, Sam let herself watch him. There was something bizarrely sexy about the way he was eating the oatmeal, she thought.

"I don't think I've ever seen anyone enjoy oatmeal so much." Daniel said.

The Colonel looked up from his spoon. "When you've been eating Froot Loops for who knows how long, a little variety helps."

As he returned to chewing on the oatmeal, Sam forced herself to join in the conversation and stop focusing on the spoon.

"Well, we got a message from the Tok'Ra. Apparently, they've been trying to contact us for over three months."

He didn't look particularly interested, though she supposed three months of the same few hours repeatedly would do that to a person. "Really?"

"Who knows when they first realised that we were cut off. I mean there's really no telling how much time passed."

"Let me ask you something," Daniel started, "In all the time you were…uh… _looping_ , were you ever tempted to, erm… do something crazy?"

Sam's ears pricked, and the Colonel looked up.

"I mean, er, you could do _anything_ without worrying about _consequences_." Sam wondered if Daniel knew something. Maybe not what had happened during the time-loops, but had the Colonel told him about the Za'tarc testing?

She looked at Jack as he replied.

"You know it's funny. You've asked me that before."

"And?"

Then Jack was smiling at her again, and she had to stop herself smiling, in case Daniel didn't know and she gave anything away. She tried to look confused as she turned her face towards Daniel, who was staring between the two of them. Well, if he didn't know about the _feelings_ between them before, she was pretty sure he did now.

But Jack just kept staring at her, spooning oatmeal into his mouth. And the butterflies in her stomach woke up once again.


	3. Chapter 3

It wasn't until much later that day that Sam decided she needed to talk to the Colonel about the time-loop. Apart from the fact that people had started to notice the staring (Janet had outright asked him about it), the knowledge that _something_ had happened between them that she wasn't privy to was starting to bug her. She didn't like not knowing things.

So, after she'd left the base for the evening, rather than heading home, she drove to his house. He'd left a few hours beforehand, and his truck was sitting in his driveway. Pulling up behind it, she switched off the engine and sat for just a moment, willing the butterflies to be still. She hadn't felt this nervous about a guy since her high school prom. She took in a deep breath, blew it out slowly, and got out of her car.

The walk to his door felt a mile long; like in those horror movies where the end of a corridor seems to keep getting further and further away. He was at the door before she'd reached it. And he looked…actually, she wasn't sure how he looked. He didn't have that goofy grin on his face. In fact, she thought, he seemed a bit sad.

"Er…Carter." He wasn't questioning her, asking her why she was here. It was almost as if he'd expected her to show up.

"Sir. Is it…is it ok if I come in?" The butterflies grew about three sizes and started gnawing on her insides.

He stuck his head further out of the doorway and looked around. "Sure." He held the door wide open for her, and she stepped past him into the hallway. "Beer?"

She glanced into the living room, at the three, apparently empty, bottles sitting on the coffee table. "Please."

He nodded towards the couch before heading to the kitchen. She tried to ignore the fluttering and sat down, on the edge of the seat, her hands on her knees.

He returned with two bottles, handed her one, and then stood there, staring between his armchair and the spot next to her on the couch. Clearly trying to decide which this conversation allowed for. She made the decision for him and scooted up, giving him space beside her. They sat in silence, sipping their beers, trying not to look at each other.

Her beer was nearly gone when he spoke.

"Look, Sam," he said, quietly, "there's something I need to tell you."

"I know." She interrupted.

He looked flabbergasted. How could she possibly know? He hadn't told anyone. The only other person who could have remembered was Teal'c and he hadn't even been in the room.

"I mean," she started, "I don't _know_ , but I have my suspicions and…well, I suppose that's why I came over. I just wanted to know if I was right." She glanced at him, and that's when she realised what the expression had been on his face when he'd appeared at the door. It was guilt! But what did he have to feel guilt about? Unless he'd gone _that_ far with her in the time loop.

Part of her was thrilled to think they might have slept together, and she wanted all the details. Part of her felt dismayed that she had, for all intents and purposes, missed it. And part of her was just a little annoyed that he'd do that knowing full well she'd never get to remember it, but he would. She assumed that was the part that he felt guilty about.

But then he de-railed that train of thought.

"We didn't have sex." The words tumbled out of his mouth. He caught the flicker of disappointment on her face, just before it was replaced with relief. He wasn't sure how he felt about that.

"I…ok…"

"I kissed you."

Sam felt her face go red, the warmth seeping into her cheeks, and she ducked her head. She wanted to grin, but she was still very aware that this was her CO she was sat with. Her CO who was admitting to kissing her. When he knew she wouldn't remember it. Now she came to think about it, she was a little bit pissed.

Until he followed it up with, "I'm sorry." It wasn't a regretful sorry, she knew. He was apologising for kissing her knowing she'd never have that as a memory.

Looking into his eyes, it was clear he'd been torturing himself. Probably, she thought, since he'd gotten home. Because he'd seemed pretty damned smug on the base.

"I am sorry, Sam." He repeated. "It wasn't fair on you. I took advantage and…"

She leaned over and cut him off. One hand on his knee, now, the other at the base of his neck, just below his hairline. And she pressed her lips to his and closed her eyes.

For a moment, he didn't move. Then she moved her fingers into his hair and gently rain her nails over his scalp. Suddenly, he was leaning into the kiss, nipping her lip to get her to open her mouth, pushing his tongue against hers. His hands were on her hips, pulling her closer.

It was only when she moaned into his mouth that he realised what they'd done. They'd crossed a line. Not in some time loop, not in some dream-like state that practically didn't exist. They'd really crossed the line.

He pulled back and she moaned again. Not in pleasure, this time, but frustration. Her hands dropped from their place in his hair and she looked, quizzically at him. The expression on his face was enough to sober her. The happy, glazed look in her eye vanished in an instant and instead she seemed horrified.

"Oh, God. Sir, I am _so_ sorry!"

"No, Carter, please don't apologise! Jesus, you have _nothing_ to apologise for. I was the one that crossed the line first."

"Yeah, but I didn't remember it. You're going to remember this."

He smirked at that. "Yeah, I am."

She blushed again and smiled slightly, ducking her head. "Sir…I really am sorry."

"Don't Carter. I don't want either of us to be sorry about this. We just…had a momentary lapse."

One of her eyebrows shot up so fast it would have put Teal'c to shame.

"We just…can't let this stuff happen again. We said we'd leave it in the room. We have to do that."

She nodded. Her eyes cast down at the floor and his heart swelled. She looked sad. Hell, he was pretty damn sad too. He'd kissed her twice now. Once, carefully, slowly, savouring every moment. The second time, passionately, deeply. If he hadn't come to his senses he was pretty sure it would have gone further. Knowing how those kisses felt, and knowing that it couldn't happen again, was soul crushing. All he wanted was to take her in his arms and show her how much he loved her. Those kisses hadn't been enough for that. But he'd had a taste. That would have to do.

"We're gonna be ok, right?" He asked her.

She smiled sadly at him, in a way that told him, no, they wouldn't, but they would have to try. "Yes sir."

He reached over to her and gently stroked her face. She leaned into his hand, and he had to physically stop himself from kissing her again.

She reached up and took his hand in her own, squeezing it. "I should go."

He closed his eyes and nodded. He didn't want her to, but he understood.

"Jack…"

His eyes shot open upon hearing his name come out of her mouth.

"I…Thank you for telling me."

He smiled wistfully as she got up, and he followed her to the door.

Her hand on the handle, she spun around to face him. As she leaned forward, he thought to himself that he wouldn't have the will-power to stop if she kissed him again. But she brushed her lips lightly against his cheek, and then she was gone. Leaving Jack alone. No longer feeling guilty. But definitely less happy than the day before.


End file.
